Part Two

It was my idea. I don’t know why anyone would blame them. I was the ring leader, the one that convinced them. We had been together our whole lives gone through every hardship together stuck together through the thick and thin. There is no way they could have said know. Maybe knowing that made me feel more empowered. What is it that we did? Well it was nothing. That’s not what’s important. Let’s talk about why we’re here.
They don’t really care why we’re here. I know people and people don’t care about the why. They care about the how the where, but the reason they like to make up for themselves. We should just let them come up with their own reasons. Only we need to know the reason that we did this. The reason is honestly because we can, because we’re brothers who were stuck in an eternal struggle, but who found a solution. What a brilliant solution it was too.
Actually technically it was a series of solutions to a series of simple problems. We didn’t like deduce the solution to string theory or anything just made good decisions at all the right times. In fact in retrospect our actions could probably have been deduced by using Game theory or some other form of mathematical analysis. Then again they never knew we were coming or what hit them. Who would have ever suspected us of doing something like that. I mean we were quiet never drew attention ourselves and exemplary students except maybe Daryll here.
Hey what the hell is that supposed to mean? I am just as legit as all y’all. Just ‘cause y’all planned this shit doesn’t mean that I couldn’t. I had a different upbringing alright. Besides I found the way to the place where I need to be. I did it to make my momma proud. She loved me so much, she loved everyone and she just wanted everyone to be loved equally by everyone. It’s not her fault they were crazy. It’s their fault for what happened to them though. They shoulda never taken her away. She was mine and no one else’s. Why did they have to take her away? I never woulda done this if they hadn’t taken everything that had meaning away from me. I will never look back on that shit. I don’t regret what I did.

Reality

Reality: a word defined to be the state or quality of being real, but does reality really exist? Is it just an ever distance concept that we pretend is true just so we can escape it? Is it running from us, just a little faster so that it appears to be within our grasp, but in fact is just beyond it? Is reality a tease or a steady companion that makes everything sure, true solid? The truth is reality is at once all of these thing and none of these things. Reality is a figment of our greater inability to live with the fact that our entire being, our entire existence is just one long played out fantasy where we are the ultimate winners and the ultimate losers. Reality is the ever fleeting existence that we search for, an existence where everything makes sense, an existence where there is black and white, an existence where we have a purpose that is greater than ourselves. Unfortunately, no such existence exists to we are left to fantasize that we are working for the greater good, while ultimately doing things solely for our own advancement, our own need to feel like we're needed.

Think about it. Every person in the world is self sufficient, every person is capable of fending for themselves. Even beggars have found a way to sustain their existence, thought their methods may be different than that of say a doctor or a lawyer, they are able to survive. They don't need the fancy cars and fancy homes they are content living the life they have with what they can get doing no work. So while we feel that we are helping them by giving them money we are just helping ourselves make it to some fantastic afterlife where everything will be resolved and we will go forth into bliss. The truth is Heaven or Hell, Reincarnation or just a putrid rotting mess we are all destined for death, a time when our existence ends and the fantasy ends and the truth is we don't know whether reality awaits at the end of the long winding road. We pretend like we're important, but we're not. We're just another tool, another method for someone else to survive and live our their fantasy and in helping the other person live our their fantasy we are living out our own fantasy that we are helping them.

So I say again reality is defined to be the state of being real and I ask what is real?

For Daniyal

He had solved all of life's mysteries while penned up in a little room. He did not need the outside to sit and experiment. No, that he could do in his thoughts. You see life's mysteries are not solved in some laboratory with the help of Bunsen burners and flasks filled with elixirs no they are found by thought. He sat there in a dim glow smiling at the discoveries he thought he had made. He could explain life, or so he thought. You see, he had gotten so caught up with the details he had forgotten about the big picture. He knew that everything could not be sought and found in a laboratory, but for all his knowledge for all that he thought he knew he in fact knew much less. You see in searching for life's answers he had forgotten to ask questions, it is by asking questions that one lives. It is no wonder that once he stepped out into the darkness of cold winter night and felt a small snowflake on his shoulder that he was suddenly surprised.

He looked up as another, then another, then another a flurry of snow fell steadily from the heavens. He could explain this, but could he explain his amazement at it? After a five year long hiatus from life he had ventured out into what he thought was a place known, but suddenly felt foreign, so foreign he was taken aback. He stepped a wary step, then another, then another and made his way quiveringly to the sidewalk. He turned. He continued to walk waveringly down the sidewalk. His shoulders wet with melting snow and his hands jammed into his pockets. His lip shivered ever so slightly, hardly noticeable to the average observer. His hair was in disarray his eyes, despite the darkness were strained perhaps because of the wind that howled unsparingly.

He reached the city with some effort and entered the diner steadily and sat himself at a booth in one corner. He did not want to be seen but he wanted to observe. He wanted to apply his knowledge, these were common people his ideas should easily applied to them.

"Sir?" A voice broke his thought it was angelic. He did not need to turn his head to know that it was a woman. However, it was not till he saw her face that he realized that she was beyond explanation. The softness of her skin could be seen. Her smile melted away the chill that had pervaded his being. His eyebrow wrinkled with confusion. She did not belong here. His whole being was thrown off.

"Can I get you something?"

"Some...Coffee? Please." He looked at her dazed. She still seemed an illusion.

"Tough day, huh? I'll get you that coffee right away." She smile at him graciously.

"Th-Thank you." He shook his head and stared as she walked away. She walked to the counter. There a woman walked up to her and whispered in her ear. She looked over at him and laughed a gentle laugh. She walked over and brought him his coffee and disappeared to the back. Her friend walked up to him.

"She likes you, I think, you should ask her out. the lord knows she hasn't been on a date in ages." She winked and walked away. He too had not been on a date in ages...ever for that matter. He had been too caught up. This is how he lived his life. He learned all he could and ignored all he couldn't. Women he could not learn, he could not understand. Life, that was easy. Work hard, try hard, get lucky at the right time and you'll be fine. Don't sell yourself short. A million things popped to mind when he thought of life, but none when he thought of women. They confused him so he avoided. He sipped his coffee. He looked up and saw her looking at him. He looked away pulling out his phone making it look like he was busy. of course he was not, but she didn't need to know that. He glanced occasionally. On one such glance he was startled to find her walking towards him.

"I dunno what she said, but...nevermind..can I get you anything else?" He nodded shyly. He finished the last bits of coffee and left a heft tip as he walked out the door she smiled. He walked away more confused than ever. Such is life. Curious, as if it were part of life, but clearly not. Perhaps he would pass another five years of solitude working up the courage to ask her out. He turned around
went back in and looked at her, stared at her actually. He sought a response from her bright blue eyes, but none was to be found. She looked away shyly. Should he go for it? We'll never know...

Part One

Today is the day where I step calmly, coldly into the arms of my future and embrace it with all my might. Today is the day where I forgive my past and move along. But this is where I am now. This is not who I am. Who I am is a mystery which we leave for another time. Let us first see how it is that I came to be here.

My father left, which was probably for the better. My mother didn't like him all that much not that she would let me know. I was smart enough to understand. I was always smart you see, ahead of myself just like I am now. Back to the issue at hand. Shortly after my father left my mother was diagnosed with cancer, the kind you don't really recover from. I lived with my grandmother a short while, but she too found it too troublesome to care for me and so I was placed in a foster home. That was when I was seven. Everyone just figure I wasn't old enough to understand, but they didn't see that I had a gift for understanding. I understood him you know, I sympathized with him, with them, but he made it hard. I am good at understanding people. But again I'm getting ahead of myself. Well, that is how I came to be here. That is why I am here again. I was an Orphan, we all were. But again I am getting too far ahead of myself. I am Jonas. I am Sparrow hear me sing.

Today is the day where I step calmly, coldly into the arms of my future and embrace it with all my might. Today is the day where I forgive my past and move along. But this is where I am now. This is not who I am. Who I am is a mystery which we leave for another time. Let us first see how it is that I came to be here.

I live in the worst neighborhood in the city. Not because I can't move out, but because this is where I belong. These are my people. I could do better, but I have history in this place, a history that is not soon abandoned.My mother died during my birth and my father could not stand the sight of me. They told me that he loved me, but knew that I would be better cared for in other places, but I knew better. I've always been smart. They sent me to that orphanage, the one where they take the especially gifted children. I've always been out of place, everywhere I go, but not there and certainly not here. I was the eager kid in school early on, but I learned to perform quietly to keep the taunts from raining down. It was not that I had to, or that I wanted to, but it was such a test. I always loved a challenge never could say no to one of those. They were so few to me. Still I look for a challenge. Perhaps that is why I live here. Perhaps that is why I am where I am. I am Lorenz. I am Chaos hear me rain.

Today is the day where I step calmly, coldly into the arms of my future and embrace it with all my might. Today is the day where I forgive my past and move along. But this is where I am now. This is not who I am. Who I am is a mystery which we leave for another time. Let us first see how it is that I came to be here.

I was never all that intelligent, I was never all that elequent or however you spell that word. But I do know one thing. If you done been where I been then you know. My mom was a black panther, my father was a thug. He was shot when I was three years old. He'd just gone out to get ther morning paper. I was eating bacon and eggs in teh kitchen when it happens. The things I seen would make most kids cry. But my momma looked me straight in the eye that day and said to me, "Boy you don't cry. Cryin is for people who are weak. We are strong. Why are we strong? We are strong becuase we persevere. We make it through the thick and thin and most of all we never give in to our pain. Pain is just another thing preventing us from getting to where we're gonig." She was smart my momma I mean. They arrested her though. Said she blowed up a buildin or somethin like that. It don't matter. I done had my revenge. I worked hard for it too. I deserved it. I am Daryll. I am Lion hear me roar.

Today is the day where I step calmly, coldly into the arms of my future and embrace it with all my might. Today is the day where I forgive my past and move along. But this is where I am now. This is not who I am. Who I am is a mystery which we leave for another time. Let us first see how it is that I came to be here.

Tell my story? Why should I. I am an orphan. I was born here. Well I might as well have been. I don't know the story of my father or my mother. To me they never existed. I guess you could say I was born with a chip on my shoulder. Don't get me wrong I'm like any other kid. I just like to go and get. I don't bother waiting around. If I see something I want, something I need I find a way to get it. How I ended up here? My parents left me at the door step. Who they were is really insignificant. I wanted to be here. Living amongst the celebrities and that is why I chose the path I did. Where am I? I am where I belong. Where I was meant to be. Who's to say I'm not, after all you don't know who my parents were. I am John. I am Jesus Hear me preach.

Misplaced Fortune

He wanted to remember everything about that moment. He wanted to feel the damp air hanging heavy on his shoulders trying with it all its might to bring him down. He wanted to see the darkness that was shed aside buy a street lamp that could only be described as antique. It gave off a faint yellow glow that cast enough light to illuminate just the two of them, well more him than her. Her delicate face, tears steadily working their way down her rosy cheeks, was shrouded in shadows. They hid her beauty. He almost stepped back so that he could see her one last time, but alas he was frozen in the moment. The rubber soles of his shoes seemed to have melted and fused themselves to the coarse gravel that surrounded him. He marveled at the strange substance holding him hostage as he leaned over her shoulder. His face slowly adjusted to the curve of her shoulder and his hands dug into her sides as he held her tighter than he had ever before. He willed his grip to keep her close to him. But that was not the way the world worked. The world gave no sympathy to people of his stature; no, it was always the well endowed that got the fortune, or perhaps it was that they were well endowed because they had fortune on their side. Where had he been when these transactions that so pointedly impact his existence were taking place? And now, the only debt he could pay would be paid with the salty rivers that flowed unchecked down his pallid face. He knew he had to remember this moment: the feel of her skin, and the warmth that surrounded him despite the light, cool breeze that slowly dried his tears.

Are we there yet? Most Certainly Not...

You drive down Pacific Coast Highway the top down the wind blowing through your hair. As you proceed skillfully through the empty streets you look over to your left. Instantly the stresses of the week melt away and as your mind comes to peace as you stare blankly at the aptly named Pacific Ocean. Your mind drifts back to the task at hand: driving. You quickly let off that gas pedal noticing your speed spiking. In this day and age you have to save every penny for gas.

As the price of oil increases at an astonishing rate and gas prices rise almost daily the US Senate has renewed the debate over off shore drilling, especially on the coast of California. I am an Irvine resident and I am an undergraduate at the University of California San Diego. As a college student I make just enough to pay for the fuel cost of shuttling back and forth and that is because my aunt has generously allowed me to reside at her place. As a “poor college student,” I am as ailed by the rising gas prices as others are, but still we must think of the future and amend the present to maximize what we have for the future. I know that I might not have facts like those arguing the other side does, but I do know one thing I plan on spending the rest of my life in California and the California coast has given so much too me and I will make sure it does the same for my children.

Image the scene of serenity that now offers you escape riddled with the ugliness of oil rigs the air that we try so hard to purify tainted by the increase in fuel usage. Perhaps this rise in the price of gasoline has come at an apt time. Perhaps it is nature’s way of telling us that it is time to reform our ways, time for us to trade in the Hummer that sits idly in our garage used for a more economical Prius, time for us to forgo the car when making a two mile trip the grocery store in favor of a bike (or a wagon if we have a heavier load). Perhaps it is not that we need to search for more oil to alleviate the needs of our citizens, but a means to create for them a better future. The way to create a better future is to act now. Every moment we stand idly by at the whims of oil politics we are losing a war. This is not a war fought with weapons, or economics, or any other means. This is a war fought with our own need to drive 140 miles per hour in the newest Porche Model, to have the convenience of driving to the grocery store, to project the image of wealth that the Hummer brings. You see, it is not our dependency on oil that is the issue, it is our dependency on our status symbols, our Porche’s, Hummers and other gas guzzling cars.

Now picture the same scene, your child sits next to you as you drive down PCH. Ask yourself, what do you want them to see?